Back to the Desk's, Political Page,

Too Moronic to Live

©01 The Media Desk

       Everybody remembers the ding-a-ling woman that burned her privates with hot coffee because she put a foam cup between her legs while driving. And everybody knows she ended up independently wealthy for it.

       And there was that idiot in Florida that killed a playmate acting out moves he had watched other idiots do on TV wrestling. And he will spend a good long time in jail for it.

       OK, now the Desk's questions.

       How is it America's fault somebody is a complete moron? How is it, well, General Motors fault? Or Miller Brewing? RJR? The State of Ohio? How is it the Desk's fault somebody else is that stupid? As near as the Desk can tell, it ain't!

       The woman with the coffee was as dumb as the driven snow, and the wann- be wrestler wasn't any brighter. Why did one get to cash a big check and the other one end up in the slammer? The Desk will have to think about that one for awhile.

       How is it that otherwise reasonable people expect to be able to pull out and STOP in front of an 80,000 pound semi-truck traveling at fifty miles an hour and walk away from it? And then want to sue everybody from the driver to the truckstop he ate breakfast at, his company, the people that own the load in the truck, and their own car dealer for not warning them that their little sub-compact wasn't Kenworth-Proof. Well, maybe it's because they've been told that stupid people have the right-of-way.

       Now there is a big stink over a crackpot cable TV show that shows other equally stupid people going about trying to win a Darwin Award for removing themselves from the gene pool in the most creative way possible. Seems some other mentally deficient types have been trying to duplicate the show and have found out a few things they no longer teach in public schools...Like:

       So the rampant do-gooders want to take that show, and others like it, off the air.
       There is no point canceling these shows. People that are dumb enough to act out wrestling moves, and record them on video-tape, and then sell them to 'HomeMade Wrestling' to show the world how bright they are, are going to find new ways to do stupid things and make a name for themselves. If only in the Hospital Admissions column in the paper.

       It is true, the Desk is afraid, that the public as a whole is actually becoming as Dumb as the bureaucrats in DC think we are.
       Face it, do we need warnings on lawn mowers that tell us not to pick the thing up off the ground while it is running and try to trim hedges with it? Is it necessary to put on the backs of those big fold up auto windshield sun screens that you need to remove it before driving the car? Why is it required to put a note on an electric skillet not to use it while taking a bath?
       The Warnings and Disclaimers collection elsewhere on the Desk [HERE] is a fine example of to what lengths we as Society have to go to make up for the serious lack of Common Sense amongst our brothers and sisters.
       We have to tell people not to run an electric weed eater in the rain. That it is not a good idea to use a gas grill indoors with the windows closed. Not to stick their head in the dishwasher while it is running.

       People in past years were evidently bright enough to know you were not supposed to fall asleep on the train tracks. If you did, you got smushed by a steam engine, and your relatives did not find themselves with more money than they could spend from the railroad. If you jumped off a bridge, nobody sued whoever built the bridge. There was no recourse against the blacksmith if you were using an ax he made and cut your own foot off. If you drank yourself stupid and did something even stupider, you couldn't send a posse of lawyers after Mr. Daniels.
       Yes you did, and do, have the right to be as flipping idiotic as you wished, but you suffered the consequences on your own. The rest of us might feel sorry for you, it is a shame when cousins marry and have kids after all, but you did it, you live with it. Or not live at all, whichever.

       And now... well. American Women have the fewest birth control options of any Industrialized Country because the manufacturers are unwilling to market their products here due to the product liability laws and risk of lawsuits.
       American Swimmers have the lowest access to diving boards in the Western World.
       The regulations on household appliances are incomprehensible, so Americans are prevented from buying some products that are taken for granted in places like Switzerland and Italy.
       The US statutes that govern the sale of cabbage come in at about 27,000 words.

       Is there something basically WRONG with our society?

       Boy that's cheap shot.

       Of course the answer is 'YES'. There are several things wrong with a country that has gone from holding its head high as the leader in science and technology to being a leader in 'self-esteem' and 'good intentions'. Our people can't add and subtract, but they feel good about it.
       The two are very tightly linked. It used to be that it was your own responsibility to learn to read and write to at least a basic level. Your parents were called in and lectured if you goofed off in class, and everybody knew that when you got home, you were in for at least a blistering lecture yourself if not something a little more painful. Now, its not your fault if you are easily distracted, if you can't learn your times tables. We have 'the forgiving method' of doing long division. Which means you get to guess at the answer until you get something close to right. And if that's too tough, we'll give you the answers too.
       This isn't a rant about the state schools, see The Public Schools ARE Working as Designed for that.
       This rant is about how it's not your fault you're too stupid to live. We can't blame you because you stuck a high-pressure can of air used to clean electronics in your ear and pulled the trigger. It's not your fault. You played violent video games as a child, or you were exposed to an extreme political view as a teen, maybe you saw your older sister making out in the back seat of a Dodge. There is a reason why you would do something like that. Even if you blew up an office building and killed or wounded three hundred people, it's not your fault. We shouldn't hold you responsible. You were upset because the Government did something stupid to somebody else. You're from a broken home, you were rushed into potty training.
       We have any number of excuses why people do stupid things.
       And we ignore the lowest common denominator.
       Occam's Razor should be employed here.

"The simplest explanation for some phenomenon is more likely to be accurate than more complicated explanations."

       OK, let's step back and look at our examples and apply the simplest explanation...


       Some people are just ... well....


Back to It, the Desk's, Political Page, which you, the reader, may or may not find funny at all. Do not try this at home, we are trained professionals.