©02 The Media Desk
http://themediadesk.com

Customer Service Training Supplement.

• If Customer is known to be a member of the Royal Household of: Japan, Britain, Spain, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia, Sweden, Thailand, Morocco, Jordan or Other Known Monarchy.

         You are to: attend to their every whim and need. Up to and including becoming an indentured servant to Their Majesty until they no longer need your services. We never charge them.
         To Be Remembered: The Royal is Always Right. Their requests are always first. And we live but to serve.

• If Customer is known to be an Elected or Appointed Official of the US or one of its Allies. Or of a State or Major City.

         You are to: attend to their every whim and need. Up to and including publicly debasing yourself, working unpaid overtime, and/or spending your own pocket money to obtain whatever they need or want at that moment. Their order is FREE!
         To Be Remembered: Politicians are Never Wrong. Without them you do not have a job. Office Rules do not apply to Them.

• If Customer is known to be a Celebrity, Millionaire, or VIP of any description including our own Corporate Officers, those of our chief customers, and anybody else before whom the Office Manager Grovels in public.

         You are to: meet their needs and desires as if your job depends on it, because it does. Their purchases are to be Discounted.
         To Be Remembered: If not for the Big Wheels and High Rollers, we'd all be applying for Food Stamps.

• If Customer is known to be a Regular Citizen, Average Joe, just some guy, another working stiff like you, some poor single mom with two screaming kids, and so on...

         You are to: Ignore them, if possible. If they insist on being served, be rude, slow, and give them the wrong information/order at least twice. Talking down to them is not only encouraged, it is rewarded by promotions and incentives to those that do it best and most often. They pay full price- CASH Up Front.
         To Be Remembered: If one of the Betters (Royal, Politician, etc) comes in while you are all but spitting on the Citizen, tell the Citizen you'll be right back, then help the Royal. It is OK if the Citizen never sees you again. Also. It is OK to overcharge the Citizen by at least double, and mis-ring their coupons to make them worthless.

• VERY IMPORTANT. If Asked by Media, Lawyers, Attorney General, the FBI, or any other Official (See Elected Official Class above) about the status of Citizen Customers in our facility. Refer them to Company Document 97-C-53 entitled: All Customers are Equally Important. Which has been reviewed and signed by Every Employee.

         You are to: Be Offended that they would even suggest you might value one customer over another. Then call for your manager who will demand they speak to our lawyers.
         To Be Remembered: It is Our Choice whom we wait on and to whom we are attentive and professional. We Simply Choose to treat the common folk like the mud crawling Vermin we believe them to be.

[This article is pure American Sarcasm and is NOT to be taken as anything else.
Thank you.   Webmaster.]