Retail Establishment Evaluation Form,
print out and send to the Customer Service Department.If you can find it.
PLEASE COMPLETE EACH SECTION.(check all that apply)
STORE NAME AND LOCATION: _________________ TIME OF VISIT:__________
Dear Store Official.
I was in your store for: [ ] A major purchase. [ ] To kill time. [ ] Just looking. [ ] The heck of it.
The employee who assisted me was: [ ] incompetent. [ ] stupid. [ ] dead. [ ] I was never helped.
The store itself was: [ ] Filthy. [ ] Almost bare of merchandise. [ ] A war zone. [ ] Hell on Earth.
While there I noticed: [ ] A police raid. [ ] Wild animals in the aisles. [ ] A fire in the storeroom.
The restroom was: [ ] A toxic waste dump. [ ] Underwater. [ ] An underwater toxic waste dump.
The store’s lighting and ventilation reminded me of: [ ] A coal mine. [ ] A prison. [ ] An operating room.
My overall shopping experience was: [ ] Frustrating. [ ] Torture. [ ] Inanely Dumb. [ ] #&*+%!
Chances of my returning to your store: [ ] Slim. [ ] None. [ ] Snowball’s chance in Hell. [ ] #&*+%!
Things I would do to improve your store: [ ] Burn it down. [ ] Buy it and fire everybody. [ ] Both.
My impression of your latest ad campaign: [ ] Stupid beyond words. [ ] Insulting. [ ] Both.
Things I would do to improve your ads: [ ] Tell the truth. [ ] Tell the truth. [ ] Both.
If I were to have coffee with the CEO of your company I would: [ ] Pour my coffee on them.
[ ] Suggest they shop in their own store once in awhile. [ ] Ask them what planet they are from.
[ ] Relate my latest shopping experience in words of four letters or less.
[ ] I wouldn’t be caught dead within twenty feet of ANY employee of yours now.
The story I’d like to see on TV news about your store would be. [ ] You Closed. [ ] Bankruptcy.
[ ] Your officers were indicted on major Federal Charges. [ ] You hired Serbian War Criminals.
The only reason I can think of for your store’s condition is: [ ] Somebody is skimming the profits.
[ ] Somebody is badly depraved. [ ] The Wrath of God. [ ] I can’t think of any reason for it.
The person responsible should be: [ ] Locked up. [ ] Shot. [ ] Kidnapped by aliens. [ ] In Congress.
When I talk to my friends I will be sure to tell them: [ ] Your store sucks. [ ] You are the Anti-Christ.
[ ] Everything you sell is made by Chinese slave labor. [ ] Your prices are outrageously high.
The last thing I want to say to you is: [ ] Drop Dead, Dry Up and Blow Away.  #&*+%!
[ ] A Customer. [ ] A Former Customer. [ ] Your Mother. [ ] Your local IRS agent. [ ] Mephistopheles