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The Media Desk's Multiple Choice 'Friendship' Questionnaire

with assistance on selected answers by Jim Deep

©04 The Media Desk

This quiz will help you find out just how weird your friends really are.

[NOTE:More than one answer may be chosen on some questions. ]
  1. While walking through a parking lot near the bank you find a blank envelope containing several hundred dollars. Do you:  A. Take it to the bank's customer service desk.  B. Donate it to the Salvation Army or other charity.  C. Stop and ask passersby if they dropped it.  D. Pocket it and keep walking.  E. After three days in Atlantic City you decide to give the envelope to the Salvation Army- empty.

  2. A friend has a 'sure thing' tip that could really pay off. Do you:  A. Listen politely then go about your business without getting involved.  B. Spend next month's rent on the tip.  C. Spend next month's rent on the exact opposite of the tip.  D. Call the FBI and sell the information to the G-men.

  3. You have a chance to get on a co-ed cable TV 'reality show' which may involve public humiliation and extensive nudity doing ridiculous stunts for cash and prizes. You:  A. Respectfully decline the invitation.  B. Spend three days a week at the gym getting back into shape.  C. Tape several of these shows and watch them repeatedly so you'll know what to expect.  D. Suggest even more ridiculous stunts, demand the entire show be done sans clothing, and offer to be the 'ringer' who will do anything and everything first.

  4. You're downtown when a political protest demonstration begins. You:  A. Sneak away with your face covered so you're not seen anywhere near such a despicable scene.  B. Join in and wave a sign even though you've never heard of the cause.  C. Join the counter-demonstration and start a fight, then split before the cops show up.  D. Join whichever side looks like they are having the most fun and stay with them until the end, then invite some of the more 'interesting' members of the group over for a de-briefing party at your place.

  5. A deep and serious religious discussion comes up. You:  A. Only answer direct questions without proselytizing or offending anyone.  B. Stay with the discussion just listening and occasionally asking questions or making comments.  C. Jump in feet first playing the devil's advocate, changing sides at will and egging the others on.  D. Lead the discussion into the finer points of metaphysics and comparative theology until the others flee for safety due to migraine headaches or the trouncing of their own pet beliefs.  E. Proclaim yourself the Anti-Christ and declare everybody in the room damned for eternity, then run out of the room laughing hysterically.

  6. A TV shopping show is looking for volunteer models in your area. You:  A. Giggle quietly and wonder why anybody would even think about it.  B. Show up at the tryouts just to see who else shows up.  C. Go to the tryouts to invite other wanna-be models over for a party later.  D. Show up wearing designer duds toting a name brand satchel full of products and impress the heck out of the judges by selling them a fine selection of imported colognes and flatware with their initial engraved in the handle.  E. Show up half blasted on tequila and do a fair impersonation of Lucille Ball selling 'Vitameatavegamin' leaving the judges laughing so hard they wet themselves, then when they offer you the part, walk out saying, 'no thanks, I just always wanted to do that'.

  7. You're at a corporate luncheon, the sales rep's credit card is turned down and they're stuck unable to pay the check. You:  A. Gallantly offer your card, or at least offer to pony up your fair share of the bill.  B. Excuse yourself to the bathroom and slip out the side door.  C. Sit back and laugh and order another round of drinks while they sort it out.  D. Smile like a shark and ask if there is anything the rep can offer so you'd help bail them out of this situation.

  8. An attractive person comes to your door selling something for a charity fund raiser. You:  A. Buy a little something even though you don't need it.  B. Give them a couple of bucks as a donation.  C. Make them run through the entire sales pitch three times and show you their entire product line then tell them you're not interested.  D. Ask them how much they need to sell to make their quota, then suggest you'll buy one each of everything if they'll do the sales pitch naked, and you might buy two if they go even further.

  9. You're at a family reunion, a couple of your cousins have had one or two too many and are starting to make fools of themselves. You:  A. Pour some coffee into them and take them for a long walk around the parking lot before driving them home.  B. Encourage them to do a scene from a movie that involves singing and dancing.  C. Encourage them to do a scene from a movie that involves sex and/ or violence.  D. Join them doing B and C.

  10. At the Christmas party somebody asks the question "Does ice cream taste better when eaten in the nude?" You:  A. Blush and say you have no idea.  B. Laugh and say you don't know but you're willing to try it sometime.  C. Offer to find out right then and there.  D. Tell them it depends on whom you are licking it off of, then leer at somebody whom you'd like to.

  11. You go to a school talent show, the acts, in a word, suck. You:  A. Clap politely and endure it.  B. At your first opportunity take a long bathroom break.  C. Cheer wildly for every act and demand an encore for a singer that sounds like cat torture.  D. Stand on your chair with your lighter overhead and sing along to a song.  E. Afterward invite the other survivors out for an evening of punk rock karaoke and ouzo shots.

  12. You are accused of lewd behavior with a lifeguard. You:  A. Line up character witnesses and testimony that proves beyond a doubt you are innocent.  B. Scream for your lawyer and demand to see the evidence.  C. Laugh and ask them where are the other people that were involved, and then show the investigator the pictures.  D. Put the move on the investigator and invite your friends and the lifeguard over for a sequel.

  13. You get volunteered for a committee and are told that part of your job as chair is to find other members for the committee. You:  A. Spend a weekend making recruitment posters and hanging them around.  B. Do all the work yourself.  C. Spend a weekend drinking and casting voodoo spells on the person that volunteered you.  D. Spend the entire committee budget on a 'recruitment event' blowout party with live band and catered junk food to attract new members… then postpone the next meeting until sometime after the next Olympics.

  14. You accidentally open an email that contains a seriously explicit hardcore pornographic image. Do you:  A. Close it and delete it and block the sender in your filters.  B. Save the picture for future reference.  C. Evaluate the artistic quality of the photo's composition and lighting.  D. Call a couple of your friends and thank them for sending you their honeymoon pictures and offer constructive criticism for next time.  E. Write back to the sender and complain that it wasn't kinky enough and to send you some better ones.

  15. Your best friend is involved in a messy three way love affair. You:  A. Offer counsel and advice and if required, a shoulder to cry on.  B. Sit back and watch and keep your video camera handy.  C. Make it a messy four way love affair.  D. Fix them all up with several other people on a multiple blind date at a party with an open bar and see what happens, and what you can stir up.

  16. You get yet another friendship quiz in your email. You:  A. Answer the quiz truthfully, carefully considering each question, then sending it back to them in a timely manner.  B. Ignore it or write back to your friend to keep that nonsense to themselves and they can buy lunch next week to apologize to you.  C. Answer it with the biggest bunch of lies and BS ever seen then spend two hours writing your own outlandish survey chocking it full of suggestive, immoral and possibly illegal answers then sending it to everybody and their grandma to let them know exactly how twisted they have to be to have YOU for a friend.



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